No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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