You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
