So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
