CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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