someone threw a dead crab at me
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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