new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
