is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Still dying that you shit outside
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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