Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
