His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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