Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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