I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
