I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
this beer tastes like vomit already
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
