it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
