it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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