I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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