a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Operation Purity has been aborted
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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