I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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