Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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