Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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