Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
