I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
