I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
