It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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