Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
