I heard we made out
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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