clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
