it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
