so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We are all done wearing pants today
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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