Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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