if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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