Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
