Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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