Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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