Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
