Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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