She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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