You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
