honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
