God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
