Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
