I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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