he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My penis needs a shock collar
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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