Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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