I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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