I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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