Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
