My first STD was from a foam party
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
