9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
