he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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