First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
