I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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