Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
