We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
