just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
